Drinkability, and Other Bullshit Product Attributes

I know...I'm past the 1-month mark of no blog posts. What a lazy blogger I've become. I have nothing to say in my defense except that I haven't been motivated enough to write.

But I'm past all of that, at least for now. Just saw (quite possibly) the most ridiculous advertising message ever. Bud Light has a new campaign out and apparently their creative team was all tapped out after the Real Men of Genius ads (which were totally amazing). Now they are touting an attribute that insults our intelligence.

Drinkability.

Yes, Bud Light is drinkable. Compared to what? Wet Cement? Glue? Oil? The reality is that Bud Light is kinda shitty beer...so really...there are much more 'drinkable' beers out there. And guess what they are spending on this little gem of an idea? $50 million. Yea.

My title alludes to other campaigns with bullshit product attributes. And I will not fail to deliver the goods.

Some of these come curtesy of Ad Age (see, still lazy).

1. Swiffer - 5 Signs of Clean
Ok, Swiffer doesn't work nearly as well as vacuum cleaner. But apparently, there are 5 unique ways to tell if your house is clean and Swiffer addresses all of these. The bullshit includes: See, Feel, Smell, Shine and Trap and Toss. Trap and Toss? What does that even mean? They should pull out Shine and Trap and Toss and add in Hear and Taste. Go ahead, lick your floors. If they taste bad, Swiffer is to blame!

2. Tide's 7 Signs of Beautiful Clothes
These really have nothing to do with Tide unless Tide is somehow able to magically prevent me from spilling spaghetti sauce on myself. According to their site, Tide "reveals these signs of beautiful clothes," which include:

1. Cleans Thoroughly
2. Protects Color
3. Preserves Shape
4. Maintains Finish
5. Enhances Softness
6. Prevents Pills
7. Fights Stains

Is it just me, or is number 1 and 7 pretty much the same thing? If Tide cleaned thoroughly, then the stain should come out!

3. GE's Profile Washer's SmartDispense Technology
This clothes washer stores 6 months worth of detergent (like Tide) so that you can save a full 25 seconds while doing laundry. The washer costs over $1,200. That's innovation. A detergent management system!

Ok, I'm spent. Enough ranting for today!

Dear Twitter, I Love You.

I'll be the first to admit I was wrong. I didn't like Twitter and I was pretty vocal about it. But now I love Twitter. And that's because it finally crossed the bridge from time killer/entertainment to true communication tool.

For the past few weeks, Atlanta has had a serious gas shortage. And Atlanta is a major driving city. Had my car run out of gas, it would have taken me over an hour to get to work, which is about 4 miles from my house. And I would have had to take a bus, which simply isn't an option.

Last week, Twitter saved me from that undesirable fate. Gas was available - as of 4 min ago - less than 10 min from my office. So 20 min after I saw the update, my car had a full tank. In a city with hour-long lines.

Incredible. Twitter finally became useful to me.

How to Get Your Media Planner All Hot and Bothered

That headline should grab Adrants' attention. Back rubs and chocolate aside, there are some easy ways to please your planners.

1. Research, research, research
What media planner doesn't just love getting the answers to all the questions? Ratings, audits, surveys, MRI, IMS, Scarborough, Simmons, etc. The list goes on and my mouth waters. With the proper resources, our media plans become a thing of beauty. So much rationale - so credible. Sure, research doesn't guarantee anything (and how accurate are those ratings anyway?), but we have to work with what is available.

2. Show R-E-S-P-E-C-T
You can't screen a media plan. No one "oohhs" and "aahhhs" over an exceptionally well thought out media mix. Unless you're another media planner. So show your planners some respect. After all, media is the most accountable part of this business.

3. Give Credit
Media planners need a little glory sometimes. Creatives aren't the only frustrated artists in an agency.

No go and turn on your favorite media planner. She probably wants some TLC. Pun intended.

Those Tricky Cable Buys...

Wow, I don't post for a month and Blogger changes their whole look! Life sure has been moving fast these past few weeks.

Obviously, I've been pretty busy with all the new things going on and haven't been all that interested in writing about it. I thought I would be - but I have turned to more personal types of communication (phone calls, emails, face to face) during my transition to new city, new agency, new friends, etc. But anyway, I'm motivated again to get back to this blog! It was recently put on AdAge's Power list, so I guess it's time to show some new folks how insightful this blogger can get!

Read a cool article in Media magazine during lunch last week. Steve Farella and Audrey Siegel discuss how they went into my version of media planner heaven and basically just played around with schedules on random networks to see if they could get the same reach and frequency. Kind of like media russian roulette. 11 networks at random - how do they deliver? Another 11 random networks - how do they deliver? And so on. Will one of them triumph? Does planning even matter?

At first I was a little uncomfortable with this notion. Because according to them, it didn't matter how much you planned. The average audience sizes all came out the same. The random schedules all looked good on paper. And to an uneducated client, could probably convince them to move to a cheaper media planning partner.

But of course, Farella and Siegel couldn't leave it at that or we would all be out of jobs. I mean, computers could do this stuff for us and we'd all be jobless at home watching 4-hr marathons of Law and Order SVU (hmmm). The main point was that with cable networks, you're planning with the environment in mind, much like planning for radio. So you want to choose networks that your audience will relate to so that they will be receptive to your message.

This would also affect your added value packages, which could actually add more value to your buys than just additional GRPs if they were running on networks that were relevant to your audience. Like, if a shoe company ran an ad for their sale during TLC's What Not to Wear. Then they could have a promotional :10 about how pointy-toe flats elongate the leg line while still being comfortable. "Find the shoes at "XX" and continue watching for more great tips from Stacy and Clinton."

This could also be an argument for creative working closely with media. Just something to chew on...


Image via asa.org.

Out From Under My Rock

This time, my lack of blogging is completely due to Comcast and their inability to provide efficient service. Comcast, stop advertising how easy it is to transfer service when you move. You can't deliver on your promise.

Ok, with that out of the way, I am now hooked up and connected to the world again. So what have I been up to?

1. I moved from Tallahassee, FL to Atlanta, GA
2. I got a masters degree
3. I started a new job and have successfully finished 2 full weeks (minus summer fridays!) without getting fired

So that's where I've been and what I've been up to! And now I'm off to do some much needed shopping!

Where Have I Been?

I've been working like crazy, packing, and officially moving to Atlanta on Saturday! Work starts on Monday! I don't think I've crammed so much into such a short time. So again, this weekend is gonna be jam-packed with moving boxes and nervous anticipation for my new job. So a serious lack of blogging, but probably some good tweets coming your way...

The Monetization of Internet Celebrity

Sure, Internet celebrities have been around for a while. We all remember the Star Wars Kid. And back in the day (about 2 yrs ago) they seemed content in their relative obscurity. But have you noticed lately how some of these self-made stars are cashing in on their 15 min? Who needs an agent when you have YouTube?














1. Tila Tequila
Ms. Tequila started off a simple hottie on MySpace.com. Her bodacious (yes, I used that word) body graced the pages of many a "friend" thanking them for the add. And now she's into her second round of reality TV bliss on WH1's A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila 2. And what has she done? Nothing but offer up her friendship. Awww. How generous. And how lucrative. Being nice pays off...



2. My New Haircut
How could these Jersey Shore "broskis" predict over 17 million (and counting) YouTube views of their infamous, "My New Haircut" video, a spoof about working out, drinking Jager-bombs and dealing with "Skanks." These guys are laughing all the way to the bank because now they are actually being paid to make appearances at bars to promote Jagermeister and Heineken specials and presumably start fights, pop their collars and take steroids. And you know what? They are calling these appearances the "Skanks and Broskis Tour." Seriously, they are getting paid for this. Ah, America.
















3. Chris Crocker
Where to begin? Chris Crocker's YouTube Channel is one of the top 20 viewed channels on the site and his combined views total more than 45 million. His most famous video, "Leave Britney Alone" defends pop star Britney Spears' uninspiring performance at the VMAs. That video has lead to public appearances, cameos on music videos and reality shows, and even rumors of his own reality show. This is what happens when you have something to say and you can work your webcam!

Those are just a few extreme examples...but I'm sure you could find tons of similar folks that are cashing in. Even blogger friends of mine are getting paid to host ads on their blogs. So cool. I love the Internet's shift from primarily an information source to a self-promotion tool. As always, curious to see what will come next...any thoughts?

This Campaign is Just Getting Revved Up...

I've been meaning to blog about a new campaign my agency just put out (alert: blatant agency self-promotion!). I've been working like a horse on this campaign and I'm so psyched to see how much people are talking about it! So without further ado, check out Ride Proud. Dress Loud.




















































So motorcyclists, just wear brighter colors already! It helps us caged drivers not kill you. Which is the whole point behind this thing, after all. We want you all to stay safe!

Hotlanta, Here I Come!

Apologies for my minimal blogging as of late. Been slammed in a big way.

Here's the news - I've accepted a new job. And this new position involves my relocation to the lovely southern town of Atlanta, GA. So I'll be joining the ad scene in a pretty nifty city and with a pretty nifty agency and...well...I'm beyond excited (but also sad to be leaving).

For the next few weeks, I'll be around...but not really. I have to fix up my house to rent, get my stuff packed and finish up some projects at work. It's a little crazy in my world right now. I'm sorry for being a bad blogger, but I promise to have some fun news to report in the coming weeks!

Best Customer Service Email Ever

(remember these things?!)

My friend Ashley forwarded me this email she received from CDBaby.com:

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Thursday, July 3rd.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did.
Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...



Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music
http://cdbaby.com cdbaby@cdbaby.com (503)595-3000

Let me just say that this the most perfect, funny and appropriate form of customer appreciation. With their indie music buyer audience in mind, this quirky little email makes sense. Everyone wants a confirmation letter when they buy something online, but this email is a fun little treat that is enjoyable to read. CDBaby proves it doesn't take itself too seriously all while providing a usually mundane service - the shipping confirmation - to its customer. Well done!

Sorry, We Don't Serve General Tso Chicken.

Been reading a lot about China due to this year's Olympic games. Of all the foreign countries, I feel that Asian countries are the most foreign. China, Japan, Thailand...I just don't know much about them. And I feel very ignorant.

So I've taken a real interest in all the stories I've been reading. The most interesting I've seen so far is an article from CNN about how the Chinese are changing their restaurant menus in preparation for all the Westerners that want to try some real Chinese. Apparently, Chinese dishes are usually named based on appearance, while western dishes are typically descriptive of the food used and/or cooking method. American Example: fried chicken. Chinese Example: Chicken Without Sexual Life.

Doesn't sound too appetizing, huh? I didn't think so. And that's the Chinese government's fear as well. They have published a book of more western-like translations to help their visitors order. Instead of "Chicken Without Sexual Life" the translation would be "Steamed Pullet."

The other fear, however, is that changing the menus will lose the some of their unique flavor. The names of the dishes are meant to describe feelings associated with the food as well as the Chinese sense of humor. The new names make their menus boring.

So I'm not sure how branding or advertising has to do with any of this, but I found the cultural differences very interesting! Is there anything about your business that's generic and could use a Chinese name?

Bill Imada Speaks to Tally Ad Club

This past Friday, Tallahassee's ad club convinced another top notch agency powerhouse to pay us a visit. Bill Imada, one of Advertising Age's Big Tent bloggers and chairman of IW Group, Inc came to give us a talk about how to increase biz during a slow economy. His talk was interesting because he told all these incredible stories about the creative ways he's won new business. In one case, he took his own photos at a reception and managed to take the perfect shot of a potential client and an elected official - he got the call back when he sent them the photo!

He had a few other examples, but the main point seemed to be this (and I hope I don't misrepresent him): If you can demonstrate your ability to go above and beyond for your clients, you will win more of them. And of course, putting yourself in their shoes doesn't hurt either. In all his stories, he prevailed by putting the client first and going beyond the call of duty to provide outstanding service.

I think this is a great lesson/reminder to anyone in any kind of business. I won't even try to compare myself to Mr. Imada, but I will say that there have been a few times when I've written a letter of appreciation when a rep was extra helpful or sent a book or two to someone I thought would benefit from its contents. So I think his message is important and should be taken to heart!

Thanks, Mr. Imada - I enjoyed your talk and our brief conversation!

Ebony and Ivory via Psych

Thank God Psych is coming back! Season 3 begins July 18. Yes, 3 seasons. Best show ever. Don't miss it.

Media Plan of the Year

It's that time of year again. That's right - Media Plan of the Year Awards! This is the time that I get to "oohhh" and "ahhh" over campaigns that do it right. Sure, my plans are effective and clients are happy (knock on wood), but these award winners are doing stuff that is truly remarkable. My two favorites:

Category: $10 - 25 million, Winner: Carat
Client: Reebok
My first favorite is this amazing campaign for Reebok. Reebok's campaign is basically a rebrand that makes Reebok the shoe of choice for "running easy." They advocate running for the shear pleasure of the sport rather than for the intense challenge. Pretty much the total opposite of Nike. Some sample creative:

















Reebok put advertising anywhere that runners could possibly come across it. The best part was that the creative for the campaign was really tailored to the media. For example, San Francisco outdoor media told runners that, “These hills will chew you up and spit you out. Run Easy.” How relevant! No easy feat to coordinate media and creative in such a detailed way. But here's the kicker - I'm a pretty big runner - and I never saw any of this! I'm actually disappointed about it. What a missed opportunity. Apparently they never read my post about race day goodie bags.

Category: Best Use of Print, Winner: Maxus
Client: Welch's Grape Juice
This one is really innovative because it allows the consumer to taste the grape juice before they buy because, really, does anyone over 10 drink grape juice?


















These ads resulted in a 10% sales increase - pretty sweet! Uh, pun intended.

To read about the other winners, click here.

A Pixel Pup

Ooh I love this! Or maybe I just love anything that has to do with Jack Russells?



















Leica D-Lux 3 Pixel Pup - via American Copywriter














And this is the real thing! My own pup, Tyler.